Lessons of Motherhood: The First Month

In honor of Maddy’s one-month birthday, here are some lessons I’ve learned since then.

Day 3: Send thank you cards to and/or buy stock in every company that makes products with “epi-” or “peri-” in the name.

Day 4: Chardonnay: more effective than any narcotics (cheaper, too, thanks to my taste in wine).

Day 7: Boys may be more notorious for peeing during diaper changes, but girls can hold their own (or not hold it, in this case). Daddy has been christened.

Day 10: Hell hath no fury like a mother whose doorbell is rung – twice – during naptime.Day 9: The office sent a congratulatory collection of potted plants. If there’s one thing new parents need, it’s another thing to keep alive.

Day 11: Managed a shower alone with the baby for the first time. Feeling like super-mom, which is funny considering that all I did was *not* wake her up for 15 minutes.

Day 14: First solo outing. All diapers are not created equal. After a total explosion on the 6-minute drive to Aldi, I’m not feeling the Luvs. Also, no changing table at Aldi.

Day 19: So this is why the carts at Costco are so big.

 

Day 21: Johnny just discovered what the peri bottle in the bathroom is for. “I dunno; I didn’t really notice it sitting there.”

Day 22: Get stroller to Target for maiden voyage. Spend 5 minutes trying to remember the “One Second Unfold(tm).” Push for 20 seconds before realizing that the tires are all flat. Given the lack of pump at home, spend 10 minutes in the bike aisle trying to find one that fits. Give up, return stroller to car, and carry baby.

Day 25: Cleaning your glasses using the nearest handy cloth: habit. Using the burp rag: bad.

 

 

 

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